I would:
1-Lift up my petticoats and get my feet dirty.
2-Chase (quite literally) after men and not be branded a loose woman ( also known as a hoyden).
3-Learn to drive a roadster, recklessly, at top speed.
4-Do my own daredevil stunts, such as:
5-Fly planes and dive off of teetering platforms.
6-Be tied to railroad tracks and get myself out of trouble, without relying on the "hero" to save the day and my skin.
7-Get paid for acting infinitely, energetically silly.
8-Always win the last laugh and the leading man, by film's end.
9-Not worry about acting like a "lady" at all times, on or off screen, as no one will expect me to have the morals or decorum of the Gish Sisters.
10-As a funny girl, I will be allowed to do things that heroines, vamps and real-life women cannot do without offending prevailing morals and dignity, such as: kiss, argue and kick pompous person in the derriere.
11-Make heaps of money and spend it all on things I did not know existed when I was poor. This is de rigeuer. I will buy gold lame slippers, ostrich feather hats and exotic frippery. I shall eat bon bons.
12-Have my entire family--parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncled and cousins--move out to sunny, Southern California and get them all put on the studio payroll.
13-Move behind the camera and direct and write films, for myself and others. I won't get credit for at least 75 years but it will be a lark.
14-Always look pretty and fashionable in all situations, no matter how absurd or impossible.
15-Work long days and party all night, every night, for at least 3 years. Everything in California is cheap and plentiful. Makeup can cover anything, don't you know.
16-Take "The Cure" once a year. See above.
17-Play practical jokes between takes. No one will be safe from my impish humor.
PHOTO: Mabel Normand
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