If I Were....Living Any Life Other Than My Own (Circa....Whenever)

I would:

1. Stop putting love,and its wanton promise,before my sense of self.
2. Eat more,and worry less about its effects on my figure.
3. Adhere to the lessons that I have already learned,ceasing the need to learn them all over again.
4. Travel more in fact and less in fancy.
5. Learn to be-friend women without worrying that they are catty wenches with nothing better to do than judge me.
6. Sleep less
7. Flirt more
8. Admit that I have made mistakes,and that those mistakes HAVE impacted my life,regardless of what the Self-Help gurus tell you. Then move on.
9. Instead of just admitting that Perfection is over-rated and toxic, actually believe it.
10. Learn to be an old-school hostess with new-school attitude (think Amy Sedaris).
11. Get the tattoo that I have been talking about getting for the last 9 years.
12. Quit worrying about what I cannot do and be thankful for the myriad things I can do.
13. Admit,LOUDLY,that I am actually quite happy with the quirky person that I am,faults and all,and any one who does not like me as I am can stick it,politely.
14. Quit making so many damn introspective lists and live life more.
15. Admit to being a bit egotistical about my otherness, and thankful for it all the same.
16. Own up to needing to be the center of attention.
17. Try harder to get my finances in order.
18. Not be ashamed or afraid of ambition and just go for the things that I really want, instead of taking such a meandering path.
19. Quit praying,as I do not believe in it,yet continue to do it out of habit.
20. Put my needs first.