I would:
1-Dye my hair an outrageous colour not found in nature. As the flickers are black and white, it will not affect my characterizations of innocent farm girls/milk maids or telephone operators.
2-Dye the fur of my pet hounds to match my hair.
3-Have my touring car painted to match my hair.
4-And, so that we are all coordinated, force my "chauffeur" to wear a uniform that matches all of the above. This way, when I go shopping....
5-All eyes will be on me. Knowing that I will be the center of attention at all times is the only reason I bother getting out of bed in the first place. Otherwise....
6-I would just stay in bed all day with my chauffeur.
7-Spend more money on exotic furs than many nations can claim for their GNP.
8-Change my ensembles at least 4 times a day. To do so, means that I must constantly shop. I cannot be photographed in the same gown twice. That would be a disaster.
9-Never buy jewels as they will be showered on me by my various admirers: actors (preferably married co-stars), producers (also married), and directors ( see previous). However, although many photographs will be circulated of me opening gifts from fans, I will never keep any of that trash. My assistants handle matters involving the peons.
10-Refuse to make at least one film a year on moral or artistic grounds. This makes me seem like an artiste or sensitive church-goer. While on suspension from the studio, I must go to Europe where I will be photographed incessantly while shopping and sightseeing.
11-When I come back to America after my studio has caved to all of my demands, I must have a titled man of some sort in tow, as my new husband. I will, if at all possible, marry and divorce in a cycle of no longer than 3 years.
12-I will adopt two children, a boy and a girl. This will make me seem maternal while allowing me to keep my figure.
13-Decide that pet hounds are so yesterday. My new animal of choice will be some kind of small monkey, dyed to match my hair.
14-Never be surprised that my photograph is being taken. Of course there is press every where I go, it is what I am paid for. When there are no photographers about, then I will worry.
15-Never leave my house without my full-face on, even if I am wearing so much make-up that, close-up, I look like a clown. As long as I look good in the fan magazines nothing else matters.
16-Refuse to get out of bed for less than $15,000.00 per-week. Tax-free, of course!
Caricature by Ralph Barton, 1921.
I love your lists!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I love doing them, too! I was born 75 years too late. I really should have been a flapper. Plus, I am a history, movie and literature geek which is why I have so much fun when I can combine all of those things!
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